When I started dating my first boyfriend in 11th grade, I had been anorexic for roughly 4 years, and was trying to go into recovery.
In the midst of this, my boyfriend told me one day, “I’m glad you have an eating disorder, you could lose a few pounds.”
5 years later and 4 years into recovery, I still think of his comment any time I step on the scale and think about relapsing.
For a long time, I felt like my depression was ruining my marriage, but after I started going to therapy, I finally felt like I was making progress towards being "normal."
One day, my therapist told me that often with her married patients, improving their sex life was pivotal in improving their self-esteem. This made sense to me, because my sex life was nearly nonexistent.
I picked my husband up from work that evening, and told him about what my therapist had said. Before I could go further, he interrupted me to say, "I would want to have sex with you, if only you had a rockstar body."
Even when I was thin, my body image was terrible. But this shot what little confidence I had. His cruelty in that moment made me never want sex again, and I've not since initiated.
It's been five years since then. He's had affairs. I've been suicidal. He's told me to kill myself. And one day, I might.
Growing up, I was always on the bigger side. My grandma would try to "help" motivate me to lose weight by saying, "Boys won't think you're pretty if you're fat."
This started when I was five years old.
My husband was emotionally cruel to me, and then he had an affair. I went to stay with a friend and I asked my husband for a divorce.
This "friend" told me, "You're too much. No wonder he treats you bad. You deserve it."
Believing this to be true, I went back to my husband. I was a horrible person who deserved to suffer, right?
I got back, he got drunk. He told me that the next time I want to die, he won't stop me because I'm worthless, I'm fat, and he could always do better. He reminded me that even my family thinks that I'm stupid, and they don't want me.
I live in utter isolation because I don't have real friends, and I feel like I deserve his abuse.
I was a sophomore in high school, in the second or third week of my relationship with my boyfriend at the time. Homecoming was just around the corner, and I was really excited about going with him.
But then he suddenly broke up with me and said he wanted to go with one of our classmates because, "She dresses hot."
I'd never thought anything about what I wore until that day. Now I'm extremely self conscious and picky about what I wear.
My ex boyfriend always begged me to have sex. He'd connect sex with everything and guilt me into doing it until I finally just never wanted to have sex at all. One day we were arguing and he told me, "I just don't think you'll ever find a guy willing to deal with how weird you are about sex." I ignored it.
A few months later, I sent him a selfie from my office; I was having a good day so I smiled for the picture and sent it to him. He replied, "Yeah. Those are the lips I want slobbering on my cock."
I'll never forget how utterly disgusted he made me feel.
My boyfriend and I got into a fight one night, and I really thought it was the end for us. Once the heat of the argument settled, I told him that I loved him, even if he didn't love me back. His response?
"The problem is, I do love you. You just suck."
We dated for a few months in high school, and a few years later we attempted to rekindle. He and I met up and talked for hours then later kissed that night.
We never really ended on bad terms, but during our rekindling period, which went on for a few months, we were hanging out by ourselves and I didn't want to do anything with him because I was worried, and told him, "I am scared this is all just going to end after we hook up and that you'll go back to your other ex." He reassured me and said, "That's not going to happen." So we proceeded to keep going that night.
A few weeks later, he is now back with his ex and I just feel broken for not following my gut instinct.
A few days after my now ex-wife and I signed the lease on a new apartment, she called me at work to tell me that she went to the manager's office, cancelled the lease, and surrendered the deposit without asking me.
Her reason?
She visited the building and saw that the current tenant was "a chain-smoking black lady."
The smoking part wasn't the problem. Over the next few weeks, she painted the neighborhood as an urban hell-hole full of drugs and rapists. She felt she was saving me from some violent catastrophe.
I slept on a friend's couch until I had enough money to get my own place. When I left her, people were quick to blame me and slow to ask what happened. Nobody wanted to hear that she would rather be homeless than live with black neighbors.
I am haunted by the knowledge that fear of strangers can motivate someone to hit the self-destruct switch on their own life or destroy lives around them. Unspoken fear is the true face of racism.
My first serious boyfriend in high school would belittle me any chance he got. He was manipulative and hurtful, and he used me to get what he wanted. He forced me to have my first kiss, and quite a few after that. When I told him I wasn't ready, he told me that I was.
One day, I told him that I'd had enough, and when he threatened to break up with me, I agreed that maybe we should.
He then told me, "The only reason I agreed to a relationship with you was to make you happy, because I hate when people are not happy."
Yeah, because being manipulated and used made me so happy.
Has anyone ever made a fleeting comment about you that immediately became tattooed onto the front of your brain for all of eternity, impacting your self-perception and self-worth? Whether it was an offhand comment made by someone you love and respect or a fleeting declaration by someone you barely know, we share the moments that stick.
