"Are you even sure you want this baby?"

Delivering my first child was easy, but the recovery was complicated. The placenta had been retained and I was still experiencing the symptoms of preeclampsia for almost 3 weeks afterwards. It seemed like every time we would leave the hospital, I had to turn around and be readmitted. 

One night, just hours after leaving the hospital I told my husband something was wrong and we needed to go back. He asked me, "Are you even sure you want this baby? Every time we finally get home and should be able to spend time together, you always want to leave and go back. Do you even want us in your life? The next time you go back we aren't going with you." 

When we arrived at the hospital I was rushed into emergency surgery. Something was physically wrong with me and I understand he was frustrated and scared but there was no reason to make me feel worse than I already did.

Trying to help.

Growing up, I was always on the bigger side. My grandma would try to "help" motivate me to lose weight by saying, "Boys won't think you're pretty if you're fat."

This started when I was five years old.

"Lazy and useless."

My mother, siblings and I were looking over my report card. I had finally gotten all A's and made the high honor roll! I was ecstatic, and I happily told my mom how proud I was of myself. 

Her reply? "Finally. Seems like that's the only thing you're good for."

I told her that I thought I was a pretty good person, and I listed all the things about myself that I was proud of. 

"Yeah, but you still don't pay any bills and you do nothing for the family," she said. "That makes you lazy and useless." 

I was 14 then. I recently graduated from college, and on my graduation day, that was what kept buzzing around in my head. Lazy and useless. I'm the first in my family to graduate from college. But I still feel lazy and useless. 

"You're acting like such a bitch."

A few years ago, my mom and I were fighting yet again. As she stormed out of the room, she said, "You're acting like such a bitch." 

I'd never been called something so hateful in my life, not even jokingly. I was too shocked to cry. The person who I loved more than anything thought I was a bitch. 

Now we're best friends and curse each other out occasionally as a joke, but I will never forget that moment.

"It's rude, inconsiderate, and obnoxious."

"Don't do that. People will judge." - My mom, sparking a lifetime of doubt and anxiety.

"Don't ever invite yourself to people's houses. It's rude, inconsiderate, and obnoxious." - My dad, causing me to constantly be afraid of accidentally inviting myself among friends, and thinking that being obnoxious is the worst social crime I could commit.

"I think you're just bored." - My mom, brushing aside an actually harmful addiction I had in high school, because it might hurt her reputation.

"Hey, I was a jerk before. I just wanted to apologize." - A bully from middle school apologizing to me in high school out of the blue, helping me keep faith that there's always good in humanity.

"Fat girls don't get to wear pretty things."

When I was 8 years old, my sister and I went to my grandfather's house in Arizona. His wife loved my sister and bought her anything she wanted. But when I would even look at something, she would tell me, "Fat girls don't get to wear pretty things."

That was 20 years ago, and to this day I believe that fat girls can't wear pretty things, which is why I wear nothing but sweats and t-shirts. It was just in the last year or so that I started wearing tank tops.

"You'd be a knockout if you just dropped 25 pounds."

When I was in high school, I was never really skinny or popular. I was a band geek who played the sousaphone, did shot put, and discussed homework. I usually kept to myself and life was good.

I remember being at home just kind of lounging, my homework was done and dinner was being made. My mom, dad, two older brothers and I sat down at the table to eat. I love food, so I went to grab a second helping, but my dad stopped me. He said, "Sweetie, you know, you'd be a knockout if you just dropped 25 pounds."

I wasn't a huge individual, I was around 145 at the time and I was roughly 5'6"-5'7". I thought I was fine, but apparently I wasn't according to my father. 

He isn't a bad dad or person, he just goes about saying things like that the wrong way. I love my dad, but that statement has stuck with me for years. I was about 16-17 when this took place, and I'm now 29.

"It's not your fault that you're self-centered."

My mother has said plenty of hurtful things to me, but the thing she says most is that I'm selfish. This hurts because I try so hard to respect my parents and not to ask too much of them. 

One day my mom and I were having a talk, and this topic came up. I finally stood up for myself. I outlined exactly why it hurt me when she said that, and I asked her to try to be more conscious of what she says in that regard. Her reply was only:

"Oh honey, you can't help it. All young people are selfish. It's not your fault that you're self-centered."

She didn't apologize, and she never will. It made me realize that I'll never be able to change her mind, and she'll always just see me as a selfish brat who will never appreciate what she does for me.

"She'll never be as pretty as you."

I was a pretty awkward middle schooler. I was shy, un-athletic, and didn't have many friends, so I mostly pretended to sleep on the hour long bus rides home. One day in 6th grade I had to "sleep" near the back of the bus where the cool boys from my grade were sitting, flirting with my older sister.

They were complimenting her when one said "Your sister is so ugly. She'll never be as pretty as you." The other one emphatically agreed. My sister just sat there.

It's been 18 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I thought I was pretty.

"It is always the woman's fault."

When I was entering puberty, a man brutalized me. When I told my mother, she said that I'd better get used to it, because in our society, "anytime there's a disagreement between a man and a woman, it is always the woman's fault." 

She listed examples like rape and domestic violence, and literally told me, "the faster you get used to it, the better." I argued with her, but she told me to pay attention every time there was a serious issue in people's relationships to see how it turned out. 

I hung on to her words and swore to myself that I'd find a situation in which this wasn't true, and show her that the world isn't that dark.

I'm nearly 30 now. I'm a domestic abuse survivor from an ex, and I've been raped multiple times in my life. Recovering led to me specializing in rape and domestic violence as a health care professional, thus I see a lot of serious cases and am involved in many court battles. 

To this day, I'm still waiting for that one example when it isn't socially deemed the woman's fault so I can tell my mother that she was wrong.