When I told a friend that I had been raped, she asked me, "Was he at least kind about it?"
I was dumbfounded, so I didn't say anything except no.
This still bothers me, and I am shocked by the way our culture portrays and views this horrendous criminal act.
Growing up, my family didn't have much money. My parents always tried the best they could to provide for me.
In 8th grade, my mom treated me to a new pair of pink lace-up work-style boots from Kmart. I was so excited about them and confident that I could rock them, until I wore them to school.
After a day of awkward stares, I was walking to the bus stop when one of the popular kids told me, "Your shoes are very pink."
I excitedly replied, "Thank you!" and I was feeling suddenly confident again.
He chimed backed in as I was walking away, "I never said I liked them." And I was immediately shot down.
I went home and cried that night, and never wore the shoes again. The shoes my mother worked so hard to buy.
It's funny how words can hurt a child so deeply.
I moved to the USA from Costa Rica when I was 10 years old. English was not my first language, but I was doing pretty well.
In 8th grade when I was 14, my school went on a trip to saint Augustine, FL. Everyone decided to get henna tattoos, but I didn't have enough money for one.
When one of the chaperones asked why I wasn't getting one, I said, "I just don't want a TA TU." (I mispronounced it because of my accent.) She laughed and told me to just call it a tat. I tried to say it that way, and then I told her that I thought that made me sound dumb.
As I walked away she turned to her son and said, "She sounds dumb anyway." They started laughing.
I turned around and told them that they weren't being nice, but they didn't care. They just kept laughing at the 14 year old girl who had an accent.
I could never commit to school. I've always been very anxious and weird, and of course that's blood in the water for the horrific nightmare sharks that are children.
The one thing I actually liked doing was writing, because I could express myself without feeling overwhelmingly self-conscious.
A teacher that I genuinely liked and respected, who I think came to know me exclusively through the essays I turned in, once told me, "You're the winning team. People root for you."
I don't necessarily think there's anyone screaming my name from the bleachers, but for one meaningful second, I felt like maybe things would be okay.
My birthday is in September, so I was just 11 years old when I started 7th grade. My Spanish teacher was going over the lesson, and I kept mispronouncing several words. She finally exploded at me in front of the class and said, "What kind of a retarded freak are you?"
I turned bright red while more than 60 eyes zeroed in on my agony.
Later that day, I went home and just cried. Cried and cried. My parents were the type that felt the teacher could do no wrong. It was the first time in my life someone other than family had made me feel so worthless and useless.
Somehow, I made it through 7th grade and the Spanish language well enough to become fluent in it.
Years later, I became a New York City teacher. I spent about 30% of my time as a teacher speaking Spanish with students, most of whom were from Puerto Rico and the Dominican Republic.
In my last year teaching before I retired, a student asked me why I became a teacher. It was at that very moment I actually realized why.
I never wanted another child to be publicly humiliated by a teacher like I was by my 7th grade Spanish teacher.
When my ex got out of a long relationship and started dating me, he found himself in a hard place. At the time, he truly believed he was dying of an STD. He told me he wanted to marry me, have a family, the whole nine.
When I actually wound up unintentionally pregnant, he broke up with me.
Many months later I asked him why he would say he wanted to marry me, have a family and a home if he didn't actually mean it.
He responded with, "I thought I was dying, and I didn't want to die alone."
After all this time, I've healed. I have a beautiful child that I adore with everything in me, and I am thankful every day for my small babe.
However, that one line has stuck with me. It is the only thing I haven't let go of because it is such a cruel and powerful sentence.
When I was in high school, there was a girl who would whisper in my ear every time I walked by her.
Every day, multiple times a day, she'd come up to me and whisper, "You're so ugly."
In second grade, there was one kid who always picked on me. He called me lots of names and said lots of mean things to me all year, but the one thing that stuck with me the most was when he said, "Let's play connect the dots, and you're it!"
Kids can be so cruel. I couldn't help that I had freckles!
I'm 31 years old now, and I love all of me. I try not to let anyone's opinion bother me, but I still remember the way that kid made me feel all those years ago.
One day I was at my boyfriend's house watching TV with his family. I glanced over at him and saw that he said, "No," to his uncle. I asked what his uncle had asked him, and my boyfriend responded, "Nothing, babe."
I persisted, and eventually he told me.
"He asked if you were pregnant."
I felt my heart drop.
I got up and walked out of the room and cried.
I lost 25 pounds within the next month. I worked out twice a day and hardly ate.
My boyfriend is very supportive and always has been. He's never made me feel fat or ugly, but whenever I look in the mirror or eat, I hear those words over and over in my head.
An ex once told me, "How you spend your New Year's Eve is how you'll spend the rest of the year."
We had a terrible New Year's Eve, and a terrible relationship.
Fast forward six years.
Last night was amazing.
Happy New Year!
Has anyone ever made a fleeting comment about you that immediately became tattooed onto the front of your brain for all of eternity, impacting your self-perception and self-worth? Whether it was an offhand comment made by someone you love and respect or a fleeting declaration by someone you barely know, we share the moments that stick.
