"You're not that pretty, but you're still great."

/

When I was in eighth grade, I became friends with someone for the first time. I've always been a socially awkward person, but we clicked right away. She was my best friend. 

I struggled greatly with depression. I had breakdowns often and cried a lot. I specifically remember one time she was trying to calm me down. We had been friends for almost a year. 

She said, "People are always assholes to you, and I don't really get why. I mean sure, you're fat and not that pretty, but you're still great." 

I will never forget the time my best friend called me fat to my face.
 

They are my legs.

/

All my life, I've had bigger legs. I've always been self conscious of them, but I've tried not to let it get to me. I acted like I didn't care what people thought, and wore what was "in style," like short shorts. 

When I was 15, I had a huge crush on a boy, and I knew his feelings were mutual. We hung out alone a couple times, but I would never kiss him like he always wanted. 

He always teased me and compared me to another girl he used to date, saying that she wouldn't have a problem kissing him and that she wasn't so shy.

He also told me my legs weren't much to brag about.  

That little comment stuck in the back of my mind for years. 

I didn't want to wear average swimming bottoms anymore. I didn't want to wear shorter shorts anymore. There was a few years where I HATED my legs. I was so ashamed. And no matter how much I worked out, they never seemed to shrink.
 
I'm married now to a wonderful man (who loves my legs, I might add). Even though they aren't supermodel legs. He tells me they are beautiful and strong. 

You know what? They are. 

I started really getting into fitness, and my legs have actually grown! And I'm not ashamed. They are my legs, and I'm lucky to have them. 
 

"You're getting fat."

/

August 2001, just before the seventh grade, my mom had a heart attack. She had to have several surgeries, and having to stay in bed made her more volatile than usual towards me.

One day I was trying to eat dinner with her, and she said, "You should stop eating so much. You're getting fat."

I was stunned that she would say that to me. She was far from thin, while I couldn't keep a size 3 in Levi's from falling off my hips.

This comment clung to me so tightly that, eight years later on my R&R from my Afghanistan deployment, I sat and cried in a changing room when I realized that I was a size 4.
 

Panda Ears

/

One day when I was 15, I was walking to school wearing my awesome panda ear headphones. It was very early, the sun was just barely rising, and a guy who was walking towards me stopped me and said, "I have something for you." Confused, I asked what. 

Out if his pocket, he pulled out a panda pin and said, "I just found this. I'm guessing it either belongs to you, or that I am meant to give it to you." 

I'm not sure why, but this made my entire day. I graciously took it and pinned it on my sweater. 

Years later, I still think about that morning, and it still makes me smile. :)
 

"I can show you the way home."

/

My father is my best friend, and has been since I was in middle school. 

When I went to college five hours away, we would call each other multiple times a day. I would make sure he was taking his prescriptions, and he would offer me a laugh and make sure I was going to class. 

I've battled depression for most of my life, and my father is no stranger to it. I pulled away from him during one of my darkest times, the closest I'd come to actually killing myself. I stopped calling him. 

He gave me a couple days, and then left me a voicemail. 

"You're lost somewhere, I know. I'm just calling to remind you I'm here, looking for you. And can show you the way home."

I still have that voicemail.
 

"You'll never be raped."

/

My boyfriend and I were staying alone together one night, something we rarely got to do since he went to college about 5 hours away. Needless to say, it was a supposed to be a special night.

We'd been having sex for a year by then, but it was starting to hurt. I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew that I physically could no longer have sex. And I honestly wasn't in the mood to do anything sexual because I was feeling so depressed about not being able to do it. 

That didn't seem to deter him.

He kept kissing me and it got to a point where it felt like we were fighting. It almost seemed like a game to him. It took me hitting, kicking, and biting him until he nearly bled for him to stop.

He lay down next to me while I curled into the fetal position, fighting back tears.

He said, "Well at least I know you'll never be raped!" Then he chuckled and went to sleep like nothing had happened. 

It still haunts me how close he came to succeeding, and how painful it would have been if he had.

Turns out I had a condition that makes sex very painful and I'm having surgery this week to remedy it.

He didn't believe me and thought he'd take advantage of the situation.

Screw that, I'd kick his ass every time.