I was in high school and we were on our way to a volleyball game. I turned to one of the gals on my team and ask if I could have her number in case of practice changes etc. She told me she doesn't give her number to losers. I didn't talk to anyone else the rest of the night.
A few years ago, I asked a guy out who I really liked. It was after months of flirting and other more intimate things. It was really hard for me to work up the courage to do it, but I thought that for sure he liked me and would be more than delighted to say yes.
But he never responded.
I knew he was busy with work so I just shrugged it off, until I found out that he had just recently started dating someone else.
A few months later, I asked him why her and not me?
His response was something I will never forget: "You're a great girl and we have chemistry, but you just aren't the pretty girl I want to be with."
That diminished all my self esteem for a long time.
It wasn't until recently that I had an epiphany: if he was willing to overlook the chemistry and date someone based on looks, it goes to show how little he thought of himself, not me.
I am currently in a relationship, and it is beyond great to know that someone loves me despite my looks. I do sometimes think about the other guy when I feel bad about myself, but I try to stay positive and remember all the good I have in my life.
When I was in middle school, a few girls who I had grown up with and used to be friends with started being mean to me.
One day around Christmas, we were on the bus on our way home from school. I had bushy and thick eyebrows at the time because of my heritage. One of the girls, who was wearing a fuzzy rimmed Santa hat, came up to me and stared at me for a second, and started pointing at my eyebrows. She then pointed to the rim of the hat and said, "What does this remind you of?"
She immediately started laughing with a few other girls as they exited the bus.
I was embarrassed and ashamed. I asked my mom to take me to get my brows done. I was still unhappy with the results, and now, at 26 years old, I obsessively style my eyebrows myself.
I have gotten a lot of good compliments about them, but in the back of my mind, they have to be "perfect."
I went in to an ice cream shop with friends, and asked the person at the counter whether the Kahlúa ice cream had any alcohol in it.
He said, "Nope, won't hurt the baby," with a smile.
I was not pregnant.
Just chubby.
I was an active fifth grade girl. Average build and outgoing. One day at the pool an older boy told me I was too fat for a bikini.
For the next five years I wore suits that covered my stomach and wouldn't show a lot of skin. I still have self image issues.
It didn't help throughout high school, my "BFF" would tell me that they needed to remodel the school to fit my fat ass. She would tell me to stop eating and poke my stomach.
I look back at my high school pictures and wonder how no one noticed how sickly I looked.
My dad once bitterly told me that I'm "Not the singer of the family," right after I sang in a talent show.
It's horrifying that my own father believes that my elder sister is the only one who is allowed to follow her dreams.
When I was little, I was extremely socially awkward and anxious. I had one friend who I spent all of my time with. She was also really socially awkward and shy, and looking back now, I realize that we probably used each other as a security blanket, allowing us to brave the terrifying abyss of kids on the playground. Simply having her by my side gave me a huge amount of comfort and peace, and I'm sure I did the same for her.
One day in fourth grade, we were on the playground together, and someone came up to us and said in a confident and booming voice, for the whole school to hear, "You two are together all the time! Don't you have any other friends?!"
We both felt embarrassed and ashamed, and didn't know how to respond. I don't think we even said anything back.
Those words would have stung no matter what, but they were extra hurtful because they were coming from our teacher. A teacher who was beloved and celebrated by everyone.
He died a few years ago, and the whole community was devastated.
I was only moderately devastated.
When I was 13, I moved in with my dad and stepmom.
My stepmom hated me with a passion, and I can remember her looking at me one day and saying, "The only thing you will ever be good for is laying on your back."
To this day I still have a problem being intimate with someone.
When I was in middle school, we had to read 25 books and write reports on them in order to earn our spot on a class trip at the end of the school year.
I was writing my own book in my free time, and I was really into it. I asked my teacher if it would be okay for me to submit pages from my original book instead of book reports on other books.
Instead of shutting me down and acting like it was just a stupid little project, she encouraged my creativity and let me share the pages with her instead of doing the book reports. She would read them with complete sincerity and respect, and then provide me with thoughtful and constructive comments.
One time she told me, "You could be a famous novelist."
It is because of her encouragement that I have always felt confident pursuing creative passions, even when they're against what everyone else is doing.
About a month ago I went out to dinner with my mom, brother, grandparents and my grandma's best friend and her husband. I was feeling pretty confident, so I wore a crop top that I thought was cute. When I came out in it, my mom didn't say a thing.
We got to the restaurant and as soon as we sat down my grandpa looked at my mom and said, "That's a little bit inappropriate for your daughter to be wearing, don't you think? I mean we wouldn't want anyone to classify her as the family whore, now would we?"
Instead of defending me, my grandma looked over and said, "A girl her size shouldn't wear such revealing clothes anyway."
I'm 5'6 and 130lbs, but my grandma was never over 100lbs until she was in her 50s, so I'm not up to what she sees as thin.
They didn't mean to hurt me, but I haven't forgotten it.
Every time I pick out something to wear, I think about what they said.
Has anyone ever made a fleeting comment about you that immediately became tattooed onto the front of your brain for all of eternity, impacting your self-perception and self-worth? Whether it was an offhand comment made by someone you love and respect or a fleeting declaration by someone you barely know, we share the moments that stick.
