"I'll give you the f*cking gun."

When I was 11 and my sister was 15, my sister and I were having yet another argument with our mom about us being so overweight. 

According to my mom, we, "Would never find love," and, "How could anyone love us when we are just a couple of fat asses?" The usual arguments. 

(Note: I was only about 40 pounds overweight, my sister about 75. We weren't gigantic, but overweight.)

I was crying of course, so my sister spoke up mid-argument and said, "This is why so many kids our age are killing themselves!" 

I'll forever remember the tone in my mom's voice and the look in her eyes when she looked at us and said, "I'll give you the f*cking gun." 

I still think about it every single day.

"You should try to look more like her."

Freshman year of college, my extended family came over to our house for the Passover Seder. I had definitely gained the Freshman 15, but I didn't really feel bad about it or give it much thought. 

I was standing and talking to my younger cousin, who is rail thin. My great aunt came over to us, tried to pinch my cousin's stomach but couldn't, then turned to me and said, "Oh, sweetie, doesn't your cousin look great? You should try to look more like her."

I immediately excused myself to go into another room, and completely broke down and cried. My cousin, who is one of my best friends to this day, came in to find me. She told me how awful that experience had been, and assured me that our aunt was insane. 

I still think about that moment often. At every family gathering I become extremely self-conscious, just waiting for the criticism to come.

"No one will ever want to date you."

One day in 8th grade, while waiting for my parents to pick me up, I was talking to my ex boyfriend and his group of friends. My ex and I had just broken up, but we were still on good terms. 

While we were all talking, my ex's brother interrupted us and said, "You're so ugly. No one will ever want to date you, besides my brother." 

I've always been bullied and called ugly, but it hurt even more coming from someone who actually knows who I am. 

I'm still not over the insecurities that came from middle and high school bullying. And I'm starting to think I never will be.

"That's gonna add time to your workout!"

My sister is a bikini model and our parents always compare us. I've always struggled with my weight and recently started working out more on my own. 

One day, after I had eaten three Oreos, my dad said to me, "That's gonna add time to your workout!"

He then took the package away.

I haven't had an Oreo since.
 

"I hate you."

A few years ago I read something about truthfulness, and that when a person is angry, that is when the truth comes out. And I felt it made a lot of sense, so I always remembered that. 

One day, my mother asked me to do the laundry, so I went to go get my clothes and I put them in the washer and she cleaned them. But after they were done and I had put them away, she asked me if I put the laundry from behind her door (we don't have a hamper) in the washer too. And I didn't, because she didn't tell me to, so I figured it was already in the washer. 

She got really, really mad at me, and she told me she hated me. 

I went to bed early that night and cried until I fell asleep, thinking about how when people are mad they tell the truth. 

My mother has told me she hated me on 5 different occasions since then, and during all of those times, she was very mad.

"If you only lost weight..."

"You have a beautiful face! If you only lost weight, you would be just a pretty as your sister!"

 - My dad
 

"It shouldn't be you."

On my wedding day I was getting myself and my soon to be stepdaughter ready. My mother stopped on her way to the venue to check in on how I was doing. 

She fixed my dress, looked me square in the eye and said, "It shouldn't be you today. It should be your sister."

Six years later, I still can't forgive her.

"You're getting fat."

August 2001, just before the seventh grade, my mom had a heart attack. She had to have several surgeries, and having to stay in bed made her more volatile than usual towards me.

One day I was trying to eat dinner with her, and she said, "You should stop eating so much. You're getting fat."

I was stunned that she would say that to me. She was far from thin, while I couldn't keep a size 3 in Levi's from falling off my hips.

This comment clung to me so tightly that, eight years later on my R&R from my Afghanistan deployment, I sat and cried in a changing room when I realized that I was a size 4.
 

"I can show you the way home."

My father is my best friend, and has been since I was in middle school. 

When I went to college five hours away, we would call each other multiple times a day. I would make sure he was taking his prescriptions, and he would offer me a laugh and make sure I was going to class. 

I've battled depression for most of my life, and my father is no stranger to it. I pulled away from him during one of my darkest times, the closest I'd come to actually killing myself. I stopped calling him. 

He gave me a couple days, and then left me a voicemail. 

"You're lost somewhere, I know. I'm just calling to remind you I'm here, looking for you. And can show you the way home."

I still have that voicemail.
 

Littlefoot

When I was 9, my older sister told me I looked like Littlefoot (the dinosaur from The Land Before Time movies) when I wore turtlenecks.

I haven't worn a turtleneck since.