"She'll order the most expensive thing."

When I was ten, my dad took my older sister and me to visit our other sister and her husband in California.

My sister and her husband took us out to eat, and as I was perusing the menu (which was full of unfamiliar items), I heard my one sister whisper to the other, "Watch: she'll order the most expensive thing."

Which I then unintentionally proceeded to do, because I could no longer see the menu through the tears in my eyes.

I am now fifty years old, and that story pretty much sums up the relationship I have with my much older sisters.

"I don't care what they say!"

Last year I was dumped by someone I was madly in love with. I was sure he was my soulmate and we'd end up married.

After he broke up with me, I fell into a deep depression and I messed with my hair. I turned my long brown curly locks into a turquoise mohawk. 

Everyone told me I looked ridiculous. No one knew why I was depressed or that I even was depressed, so they didn't understand why I'd done it.

One day in the car, my mom was going on and on about how bad it looked. Suddenly, my four-year-old old niece looked up at me and said, "Well I don't care what they say! I think you look cute!" 

I almost cried on the spot.

"Welcome to this life."

My mom has always had mental health issues. I've stopped her multiple times from committing suicide. I was always supportive and caring.

One day when I was around 13, I spilled my heart out to my mom. I told her everything I was feeling. I told her of incidents in the past that really took a toll on me. I told her things that happened to me that I was too ashamed to talk about, and how my world was just falling down around me.

I NEVER cry in front of people. But at that moment I did. I cried in front of my mom because I was at such a loss. 

his time, for the first time, I was the one who needed support. 

She didn't console me. She didn't kiss my booboos. She didn't pat me on the back and tell me everything would be okay. 

She kind of rolled her eyes and said, "Welcome to depression. Welcome to this life. How do you think I feel? Now you know what it's like." And that was it.

I am now the COMPLETE opposite with my child.

Children don't ask to be here. You bring them here. The least you can do is show unconditional love. 

Beached Whale

It wasn't that hurtful when my cousin told me I looked like a beached whale.

But when my mother added, "But a pretty beached whale," I broke down.

"She may be two years older, but she's not two years better."

I have a brother who is two years younger than I am. One night after I was supposed to be asleep, I heard my dad and brother talking downstairs. I opened my door so I could hear. 

They were talking about academics and our respective intelligence. 

I heard my dad say, "She may be two years older, but she's not two years better," and then he and my brother kind of chuckled. 

This really hurt because my dad and I are really close and I try so hard to impress him and to make him proud. 

It just made me feel like no matter what I do, it will never be more impressive than what my brother does.

Worthless.

My biological father informed me at a ripe age of 7 that I would never amount to anything. That I was worthless.

When I was 8, my father disappeared from my life completely. My mother told me that he had found someone else, who happened to be pregnant, and he was going to raise her kids. 

I felt broken. I wondered what was so wrong with me that he would abandon me, yet choose to raise someone else's kids. Not a day went by that I didn't wonder why, where he was, how he was doing, etc. 

Approximately 25 years later, in 2010, I randomly searched for him on Facebook. Two profiles appeared on my screen. My heart sank. I did not even know if my father was alive. 

I clicked on the first profile. A picture of a young man, that looked surprisingly similar to me, appeared. I clicked on the second profile, and up popped a picture of my father.

I made contact with him and it was a bit awkward. He came out to Oklahoma to visit and meet his grandson. We still communicate, mainly via Facebook. I will definitely take that over wondering if he is alive.

"Your feelings are completely valid."

"Did your dad ever tell you to play a different instrument?"

He said it casually, glancing at the large double bass resting like a faithful bloodhound beneath my feet. 

I was so shocked and irritated that I had no reply. Why do I need to play a different instrument? Why do I need my dad's approval? 

What stuck with me wasn't just what he said. It was what my dad, my then-boyfriend, and his father said to me. 

"You're overreacting." 

"He's just trying to be friendly." 

"It's not that big a deal." 

Anytime I mentioned in front of that boyfriend, he would get angry and say, "You're still upset about that? Just let it go." I stopped talking about it with him. I stopped mentioning it to anyone, but the comment lingered in the back of my brain every time I went out to a gig with my bass.

What also stuck with me was the complete relief when I finally felt safe enough to bring it up with one of my professors. When she heard it, all she said was, "Your feelings are completely valid. What that man said was wrong, and he shouldn't have said it." 

There was no argument. No trying to explain. Just complete acceptance and understanding.

"I knew you were promiscuous..."

When I was sixteen I tried to tell my (alcoholic) mom that I had been raped four years prior. I don't know how I wanted her to respond, but I needed her to know. 

As she lay on the couch, I spilled my guts about the older guy that took advantage of me years ago. 

After I finish my story all she had to say was, "I knew you were promiscuous, but I didn't know it started that young." 

She then proceeded to fall back asleep. 
 

"I still think of you as my son."

I was once riding in the car with my dad, and we were talking. Nothing in depth or serious. I don't even remember what he said that caused him to apologize (I wish I could).

But he said to me, "I'm sorry, its just I guess sometimes I still think of you as my son."

I started to wonder how long he's seen me like that. If he has ever treated me a certain way because he'd seen me as a boy. 

I wonder if anything in my life might have been different if he had seen me as me.

"You're worth it."

All my life, I never bothered dating. I knew my place as the guy's best friend. I was never the prettiest or the smartest, but I knew how to make people laugh. 

I've known my husband since the 7th grade. We were best friends. Even then, I was head over heels for him, but never breathed a word. 

When we finally did start seeing each other seven years later, I poured my heart out to him. I'd never dated, never been kissed, came with a ton of emotional baggage. I asked him why. Why bother? Why not go find someone else? 

"You're worth it."

The first time in my life I had ever heard those three words, and it took me a very long time to believe it.

Eight years and two kids later, now I know for sure, we are worth it.